Quote of Inspiration

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Atilla and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The List

As you can see, I have compiled my list of 52 figs, 52 experiences I plan to have over the course of the next year - a sort of right-now, in-the-moment bucket list. The list is made up of things I've wanted to do (and likely talked about doing) for several years, at least. For one reason or another, I haven't done them, and I decided that NOW is the time. Today.

The list isn't grandious. I've seen other bucket lists (perhaps that's not a completely accurate description of what I'm doing here), and these other bucket lists have things like go to the moon, climb Mt. Everest, meet Robin Williams (really, that was on a list, and I'm NOT knocking it). My point is, this list is simply a list of those things that I've shoved to one side, swept under the rug and shelved because I convinced myself they weren't a priority.

It's funny, because I sit in my house every day, and I go through the chores and rythms of a stay-at-home mom. I make toast and eggs. I vacuum. I get the kids ready for school and drive them there and pick them up. I grocery shop and pump gas and cook dinner. And in between all of those daily chores, I sit sometimes and feel that life is passing me by. It sometimes feels like groundhog's day, with the driving and the toast and eggs and another load of laundry. So one day, when I thought of all the things I could be doing and am not doing, I thought, I can do it. I swear I can.

Thus, the list.

I think that if you want to change any aspect of your life - a relationship, a job, one's financial status.......anything - you just have to do something. That's it. Doing something, anything, it will change things. But so much of the time, we don't do anything. We just do what we've been doing, but we don't do anything new, and it's the doing of something new that shifts everything. Even the smallest newness can give dimension to what before was flat, and I think that experience adds color.

So, there it is - my list and how I came about making it. More or less..........


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